Wednesday, July 26, 2017

It's Been a Long While

...but I've not lost sight of my goal to life a simpler life.

Unfortunately, life has been extremely complicated these past five months. And I have not had time, energy or will to focus on actively pursuing that goal. But I've not given in to the urge to alleviate stress or fill a void by shopping.

That's not to say that I hadn't picked up a few things between then and now. But nothing that isn't absolutely necessary to function.

Work has been demanding. Family has been challenging. The loss of a loved one has been devastating. So all my energies have been devoted to keeping afloat.

While I haven't been posting about my goals, successes and failures, I have been thinking a lot about them.

I am still fascinated by the mindset behind the need to acquire - what the triggers are, why it happens when it happens, how to combat it - and why it still affects me from time to time even though I'm aware that it's not fulfilling in any real way.

I am still watching videos about the psychology behind clutter and accumulation and videos about those who seek to better themselves by living with less.

I am still struggling with the urge to fill empty spaces in my home with things because I hate the fact that my space isn't either empty enough or full enough to look good or feel calming.

I've been trying to find the calm in the chaos that is my life right now. Though I haven't figured out quite how to do it aside from shutting down my mind completely when I have the free time to do so.

I've been sailing when I can so that I can at least find the peace I do when out on the water.

And I've been thinking a lot about the footprint I've been leaving on this earth.

Which has left me saddened.

After examining my life thus far, I realize I've created so much waste by consuming in the way that I had and discarding it when it didn't fill the need I thought it would. Even now, the foods I eat and the water I drink creates waste from the packaging.

Seeing how much garbage floats in our oceans, how much damage it causes to the other beings that inhabit this planet, makes me terribly sad. And it is making me reassess my life once again.

In order to function as I am now there are all sorts of things that are required in my life - technology, furniture, clothing, decor, et cetera. But if I were to change what I do and how I live, I wouldn't require all that I do.

My needs would be fewer.

And I would like to see this version of my life some day. Though I'm still at a point in life where I need income. And of course there's not just my needs and wishes to think about since I do not live alone.

But these days as I look around at my small-ish space I wish we didn't have to have that sofa, that table, that desk, that light, that television. I wish everything we owned could fit in our car so that we could have the freedom to simply pick up and go.

Since I began this journey, my definition of simple has changed. It is still in flux right now. And I'm not sure how I will define it when I'm done. But I am hopeful it will be something that brings me joy and peace.

For now, though, I just have to keep on keeping on.

To be continued...