This past weekend my guy and I spent some time looking through old photos - digital versions, that is. And while it was largely an enjoyable experience - as we hadn't done that for quite some time, it did make me think about just how much time we spent looking at the past instead of doing something in the present and it got me upset about all the money wasted on the stuff that I'd accumulated that could be seen in pictures of our former residences.
It took hours going through just a fraction of the pictures I'd taken of our life. Some of the memories were great, some were bittersweet, and others made me question why I still had the photo after all these years.
I suppose there could have been worse ways to spend our Sunday evening - watching TV or surfing the web instead of doing something together - but creating a new memory would have been a much better way to spend our time versus looking back at what once was.
Especially since not every picture made me laugh or smile or fondly reminisce.
In many of the photos I could see the evidence of my over-accumulation of stuff in my attempt to make a home for us. I could see how wasteful of my time and money I was. I could see how not happy the stuff made me and how much time I had to spend getting rid of everything. The shelves and shelves of books, videos, CDs. The accessories and artwork and pillows. The clothes and shoes and purses. The linens and dishes and glassware and cookware.
No matter how many things I bought, I still felt dissatisfied with what I had and what my home looked like. My small space was crowded and cramped because of all the stuff, and many times it was messy due to lack of storage.
I am trying to forgive myself for who I was then and use this as a learning lesson so that I don't make those same mistakes again. But it isn't easy. There was just so much stuff - none of which I currently possess aside from the keepsakes - which translates out to so much money that I wish I didn't waste.
Perhaps when I figure out exactly what kind of life I want to lead I can take another trip down memory lane. But for now I think it's probably best to avoid tripping over all the stuff of my past and all the mistakes I'd made. Even if seeing those much younger pictures of my guy and some of the adventures we had makes me smile.
To be continued...