For the past couple of days I have not been at peace. And it's not simply because of the emotional burden of my stuff. It's because the country has not been at peace. Everyone appears to be in a state of turmoil and unrest. Everything feels chaotic. There's so much negativity and hatred and fear. And it's been difficult to focus inward, to stay positive, to find the calm and quiet.
But I have been making every attempt to do so.
I have been avoiding social media as much as I possibly can. It's not that I want to turn a blind eye on the importance of what is happening, but I've reached the point where I just can't handle all the chatter and anger and I just need to block it out for awhile.
I have not had the energy to focus on my little problems, though I imagine that focus could be helpful right now. I am hoping to try and tackle some small project tonight just so that I can feel good about something.
I have been busy at work, which actually has been quite refreshing as it's a good busy. It has helped to keep my mind from becoming too noisy. Though I have not yet had the time to take a beat, to relax, to breathe. And if I am to keep my sanity and keep my calm I think I really need to.
Journaling on this blog has been helpful in keeping me focused on the right things. But, again, right now it's not enough to banish the feeling of unease.
What has worked best has been to spend what little free time I've had with my loved ones, talk with my guy, pet my cat, watch some mindless TV, and accept the fact that not every day is going to be a day where there's progress. Not every day is going to make me feel like I've accomplished something. Not every day is going to be a step toward the "finish line."
In the past my go-to response would have been to shop, to acquire something that made me feel calm for a moment and stressed for awhile. But even with all the upheaval I have managed to stay binge-free.
And while I may not at this moment be able to contribute and add value in some way to what has been going on in the world around me, I am hopeful of being able to do something positive for my world and develop the strength and calm needed to participate in that much larger space.
To be continued...